Still in construction. Criticisms are welcome. Suggestions even more so.
From: Petaling Jaya, Selangor, Malaysia
About me: As a perpetual tofu-like specimen of humanity, I do not have a distinct personality. See me instead as the proverbial looking glass self. When you look at me, more often than not, you see a slightly distorted version of yourself. I make the analogy easier. Ever been to one of those mad carnival things where there are ripply mirrors that makes you look funny? I'm the reflection you see.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Moving house...
I've actually moved to another blogger site which is more... hmmm. explicit. This one will be deleted as soon as I figurre out how to do it. So there. I'll be at occularcandy.blogspot.com if you have anything to tell me.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Bun in the oven?
I was NOT a fan of Charlotte Church when she was singing classical music. I thought her voice was too milky and lacked character. When she moved to rock music however, i rushed out and got an original copy of the album and it was great. Her classical training has probably given her a whole bunch of vocal power to play with. But now I also hear that she's pregnant. At only 21? Why on earth do excellent women choose to destroy their lives at the peak of their careers? Maybe it's because of their shaggadelic boyfriends. Maybe...
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
The Box (part 1)
I was going to start of this issue of the journal by reintroducing myself. Instead, events have inspired me to forgo that in favour of a summary of yet another "Now I've seen everything" type of day.
Know how people go like when they're talking to children below 8 or the extremely unintelligent? "Did baby go bump and hurt his boo-boo?", "Does baby wike to have mommy buy baby and ice cweam?", "Daddy and mommy love each other so much that they prayed to God to send you to us and God sent you via stork mail which left you in a cabbage patch where you were found and brought to us by a bunny","Does wittle Tommy know what to do with your new wife on your honeymoon? Does wittle Tommy want Mommy to show you?"... get the idea? Now imagine a college lecturer who claims to be learned in a myriad subjects including Chinese language, human communications and cultural studies talking to a classful of 20-somethings in like manner...
"Hi, my name is N. Let us get to know each other a little better by playing a game."
proceeds to pull out a disproportionate and incorrectly coloured plush toy
"His name is Bear-Bear and he was a Valentine gift my husband got me and he will help us to get to know each other."
attempts a would be roguish wink at the bemused class. Class is probably thinking "What the...?"
"I will now throw Bear-Bear behind my back with my eyes closed and the one that catches it will begion to introduce yourself to me and the whole class"
Class thinks "Duh, we know each other already, what's there to introduce? Besides, the class is 10 by 15 paces floorspace. It'll be so much fun playing "catch the ice-breaking bear" in a room big enough to fit two sedans door to door"
N throws Bear-Bear and goes "Wheeee!!!" while jumping in apparent glee. Student sitting right behind her catches Bear-Bear.
"Errr... my name is R and I came from M and I like to read"
"WONDERFUL" as if R just performed three triple backflips with both her ankles tied to either knee.
I'ma grab Bear-Bear, stuff it up her presumably retarded ass-hole, sit on her face and pop a ripe one right in her mouth.
On a more sombre note, I just found out today that I was conned into paying for a fumigation service that does not exist. If I ever meet the guy again, I'm really gonna do all those things I want to do to N. You just wait.
Fucker...
I'm a fan of male photography and I have a habit of taking pictures of the Net and keeping it in my harddrive for future reference when I start taking pictures of myself. Since I don't have a camera yet, the best I can do is post up what I plan to use as inspiration. If any of the pix belongs to you, claim credit in a comment. I'll do what's necessary.
Know how people go like when they're talking to children below 8 or the extremely unintelligent? "Did baby go bump and hurt his boo-boo?", "Does baby wike to have mommy buy baby and ice cweam?", "Daddy and mommy love each other so much that they prayed to God to send you to us and God sent you via stork mail which left you in a cabbage patch where you were found and brought to us by a bunny","Does wittle Tommy know what to do with your new wife on your honeymoon? Does wittle Tommy want Mommy to show you?"... get the idea? Now imagine a college lecturer who claims to be learned in a myriad subjects including Chinese language, human communications and cultural studies talking to a classful of 20-somethings in like manner...
"Hi, my name is N. Let us get to know each other a little better by playing a game."
proceeds to pull out a disproportionate and incorrectly coloured plush toy
"His name is Bear-Bear and he was a Valentine gift my husband got me and he will help us to get to know each other."
attempts a would be roguish wink at the bemused class. Class is probably thinking "What the...?"
"I will now throw Bear-Bear behind my back with my eyes closed and the one that catches it will begion to introduce yourself to me and the whole class"
Class thinks "Duh, we know each other already, what's there to introduce? Besides, the class is 10 by 15 paces floorspace. It'll be so much fun playing "catch the ice-breaking bear" in a room big enough to fit two sedans door to door"
N throws Bear-Bear and goes "Wheeee!!!" while jumping in apparent glee. Student sitting right behind her catches Bear-Bear.
"Errr... my name is R and I came from M and I like to read"
"WONDERFUL" as if R just performed three triple backflips with both her ankles tied to either knee.
I'ma grab Bear-Bear, stuff it up her presumably retarded ass-hole, sit on her face and pop a ripe one right in her mouth.
On a more sombre note, I just found out today that I was conned into paying for a fumigation service that does not exist. If I ever meet the guy again, I'm really gonna do all those things I want to do to N. You just wait.
Fucker...
I'm a fan of male photography and I have a habit of taking pictures of the Net and keeping it in my harddrive for future reference when I start taking pictures of myself. Since I don't have a camera yet, the best I can do is post up what I plan to use as inspiration. If any of the pix belongs to you, claim credit in a comment. I'll do what's necessary.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
The Confession
It's been a looooong loooooong while since my last entry. I'm not sure whether I actually have any readers or not but if I do, then you might know that I was on holiday where I had to go back to my home town where there is no connection to the internet. Whether it be relevant or no, I've never liked holidays as much as other people might as it usually means that my mind would stop working and I'd be in a stupor the whole day for as long as the holidays last so you have no idea how glad I am to be back here. Nevertheless, some noteworthy things did come up in my mind amongst the idleness induced soporific blur and it's just this: one never learns to fly if one does not take the leap. In my experiences, there are two kinds of people, one who lives and another who survives. With all due respect to the survivors, I have absolutely no respect for you. In an age where many of our basic amenities are already provided for ( this does not mean that I discount the people who are indeed deprived of said amenities), I find it absolutely unacceptable for him or her justy to live for the day. Analogous to a situation like this would be the case where one shuffles on the ground unti l ones demise, sure that you'll never fall. Therefore, excuse me if I assert now that I believe that living involves recognising and risking the possibilities of failure and whilst it is indeed true that the world is a judgmental one where ones failures are of more interest than their achievements, one may choose to consider that those that fall learn not to fall in that particular direction again. Having said that, I guess its time for me to finally get a digital camera of my own and start taking pictures of objects of interest (of myself, hehe.... I do have one request for any existing readers though. I rather like the thought of having a dialogue in this blog so if you could please talk to me via the comments box I'd appreciate it. on the other hand, if I never had any readers to begin with, I guess I'd be one of those idiot bloggers talking to thin air...
once I get the camera, this picture would be me. He's gorgeous though.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Mea Maxima Culpa
Here's a good one
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were exploring the jungle and were captured by a fierce tribe. As they sit in a hut, awaiting their fate, the chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere.
There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled, and screams, "What are you doing???"
The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe, asshole!"
The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere.
There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled, and screams, "What are you doing???"
The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe, asshole!"
Here's another
A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Eddy what is your problem?"
The teacher asked, "Eddy what is your problem?"
Eddy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third -grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
The teacher had had enough.
She took Eddy to the principal's office.
While Eddy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
The teacher agreed.
Eddy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Eddy: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Eddy: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.
The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Eddy can go to the third-grade."
The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"
The principal and Eddy both agree.
The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
The teacher had had enough.
She took Eddy to the principal's office.
While Eddy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
The teacher agreed.
Eddy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Eddy: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Eddy: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.
The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Eddy can go to the third-grade."
The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"
The principal and Eddy both agree.
The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Eddy, after a moment, "Legs."
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!
Eddy replied, "Pockets."
Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Eddy: "Pants"
Teacher: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!
Eddy replied, "Pockets."
Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Eddy: "Pants"
Teacher: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Eddy: Coconut
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Eddy was taking charge.
Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Eddy was taking charge.
Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
Eddy: Bubblegum
Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Eddy: Shake hands
Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Eddy: Shake hands
Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Eddy: Yep.
Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. Eddy: Tent
Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
Principal was looking restless and bit tense.
Eddy: Wedding Ring
Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. Eddy: Nose
Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. Eddy: Tent
Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
Principal was looking restless and bit tense.
Eddy: Wedding Ring
Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. Eddy: Nose
Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Eddy: Arrow
Teacher: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?
Teacher: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?
Eddy: Firetruck
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Eddy in the fifth-grade, I missed the last ten questions myself."
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Eddy in the fifth-grade, I missed the last ten questions myself."
but here's the best of the lot...
Labels: jokes